Re-architecting your relationship is hard work. Sometimes you're learning how to do your relationship in a way that you never contemplated. When you are in middle-age and yet feel so immature in your relationship, it can feel really discouraging because you haven't been this bad at something in a long time. So it can help to find inspiration from people doing hard things. My new inspiration is children.

When a baby is learning to walk, they get up, they try they fail, and they try again. There may be periods where they are overwhelmed, and cry. As adults we give them comfort, but we don't prevent them from making another attempt. And they will make another attempt again and again. They'll fail in different ways. They'll fail in the same way. But every time, they start getting stronger, they get better balance, their nervous systems grow and form connections to a system in this Herculean effort. And they don't stop, they may rest but they are relentless.

The most inspiring thing about it all is that the only thing they know is failure , yet they persist. I now remind my couples that because I think demonstrating how these relentless efforts can net real results an help my couples understand that they too can do what seems at first impossible.

This article is a short one because while everyone is celebrating the holidays, I’m being a therapist, save for a few days. When everyone is home with their families, I’m making sure there’s fresh content to read. And now is my time for downtime with my family.

Take the first step to improving your relationship - commit to growth, whether that’s becoming a 1% better spouse every month, reading a parenting book, or getting help from a therapist. If you want to know more about dynamics in relationships, look at my Marriage Counseling page. If you are in Minnesota, I can help in person or on video. Contact me by phone: 612-230-7171 or email through my contact page. Or you can click on the button below and self-schedule a time to talk by phone or video.