When it comes to whether individual counseling can improve your marriage, the answer is — if you’re goal oriented.
I’m not here to make empty promises or offer false hope. Counseling is a proven path for reconciliation and recovery. It’s not a magic formula. For starters, individual therapy is a safe space in which you can air out your thoughts and feelings.
Venting can be incredibly helpful in relieving pressure you may feel in your relationship. Sometimes, a client comes to me intending to improve the relationship within their marriage. For sure, a worthy and attainable general goal, but I’m quick to remind them to get more specific.
How NOT to Use Individual Counseling
I always suggest to my clients that they need to visualize and set specific goals. Hence, when an individual comes to me to work on their relationship, I ask the specifically if there’s an outcome they’re envisioning. This part is an important step.
Without it, the sessions can turn out to be counterproductive. In such instances, the client may use this time to:
Complain about their spouse in a covert (or overt) attempt to convince the individual therapist that they are “right” in their marital fights.
Justify how they fight with their spouse or explain how their spouse does it “wrong.”
Recruit someone (in this case, the therapist) to align with them to justify for breaking up.
My task is to honor your concerns and struggles. Simultaneously, I’ll be guiding you into a logical, straightforward approach when it comes to setting goals and productively using your time.
Some Reasons To Choose “Individual Relationship Therapy”
Of course, there are endless individual reasons (and variation on those themes) at play here. In a general sense, the following issues are common reasons why a client may choose to go it alone in the name of their relationship.
And Baby Makes Three: In those notorious lists of life’s most stressful events, both marriage and having a baby usually rank up near the top.
In-Laws, etc.: You fell in love with your partner but their extended family? Not so much.
Groundhog Day Syndrome: Does it feel like you have the same disagreements over the same topics in the same way?
Unhealed Trauma: Your experiences in the past very much shape your attachment style today.
Setting Specific Goals
Again, any list of this kind if inherently incomplete. But universal themes exist. To follow are three specific goals many clients set when starting individual relationship therapy:
1. Enhance the Work Currently Being Done
Many couples are already in the midst of valuable work together. However, relationship discussions can feel daunting and even exhausting. Individual therapy is an ideal place for you to clam down your system during this process. Doing so has the potential to dramatically improve the couples work you’re currently doing.
2. Learn More About Counseling With an Eye on Couples Counseling
Therapy can feel intimidating. What’s it like? How does it work? When you commit to this process, you come to appreciate its value. From there, you and your counselor can develop ways to invite your spouse or partner into couples counseling
3. Become a Better and More Open-Minded Listener and Spouse
It’s never easy to shine a light on your inner workings. It’s also hard to hear your partner air out their grievances. Thus, a reasonable goal is to develop an open mind about what your spouse is saying — learning how to fully grasp their concerns, needs, desires, and fears.
Getting Started With This Approach
You probably have some questions at this point. If you’re curious about my thoughts on couples counseling, check out my marriage counseling page. If you’re in Minnesota, I invite you to reach out today for a free consultation to learn more. Contact me at 612.230.7171, email me using my contact page, or click on the button below to self-schedule a free, 15-minute phone call to see if we’re a match.
Take good care.