I had an epiphany the other day: there is a lot of bad advice on the internet. In one of the “Marriage Advice For Men” groups I joined on Facebook, a member shared that he thought his wife’s constant need to know what he was feeling was ridiculous because he “lets her know”—but then she doesn’t want to hear it. And this isn’t uncommon. Here’s what’s worth knowing about emotions: some are constructive to bring up, and some are absolutely abrasive. I’m not absolutely certain this happened in this guy’s scenario, but If you’re hoping to be heard, recognized, and supported by your partner, starting with an emotion like anger, frustration, irritation, annoyance can be the wrong move.

When things get tough in a relationship, many of us fall into one of two traps: we either try to do everything ourselves, or we stew in frustration because our spouse isn’t stepping up in the way we want them to. But there’s a better way—a way that can actually improve your relationship. It starts with focusing on how you ask for your spouse’s help, and how your approach can change the dynamic from one of disconnection to a true partnership.

In many relationships, attachment styles play a pivotal role in how partners connect, communicate, and meet each other’s emotional needs. Two of the most commonly discussed attachment styles are anxious attachment and avoidant attachment, which can lead to a fascinating but often challenging dynamic in marriages. When one partner has an anxious attachment style, they tend to crave closeness and reassurance, while the avoidantly attached partner values independence and may shy away from emotional vulnerability.

Parenting is one of the most rewarding and challenging journeys a person can embark on. But if you’re a parent, you’ve probably noticed that arguments about raising kids can spiral out of control faster than most other conversations. One moment you’re discussing screen time, and the next, you’re in a full-blown argument about discipline, values, and whether or not your child’s behavior is setting them up for a lifetime of problems.

At the core of every meaningful relationship, there’s one thing we all crave: connection. According to Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples, healthy and fulfilling relationships are built on three essential pillars: Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement, or A.R.E. These three elements . . .

Hey you! Yeah, the one who avoids their partner’s difficult conversations. Does this sound familiar? You find your partner incredibly frustrated, telling you that you do the same things over and over again, and each time, it hurts them. Maybe instead of taking responsibility for not wanting to do something, you rely on the ambiguity of the request or the situation

I’m about to say something that could make my whole job—no, the entire marriage counseling industry—irrelevant. Ready? Here it is: Marriage is the process of harmony, disharmony, and repair. That’s it. End of story. You’re welcome.

We’ve all heard about the five love languages—acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, and receiving gifts. The concept, introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, suggests that each person has a primary way of giving and receiving love, and understanding your partner’s love language can help strengthen your relationship. But here’s the catch: if you’re using YOUR love language to express affection,

Apologizing isn’t just about saying “I’m sorry.” It’s about genuinely owning up to what you did, understanding how it affected your partner, and committing to do better. Let’s walk through how you can make your apologies more meaningful and effective.

Change Your Relationship Dynamic: Be The Generational Hero

Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow.” — Terry Real

This powerful quote from Terry Real captures the essence of what it means to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma. The patterns we inherit from our families of . . .

Have you ever found yourself staying firmly in the realm of logic during a heated conversation with your spouse, thinking that if you just stick to the facts, everything will work itself out? It might seem like a reasonable approach—after all, who wouldn’t want to keep things rational and avoid the messy business of emotions?

Asking for help can be a challenging task, especially if you’re someone who identifies as a recovering people pleaser. People pleasers are often trained, consciously or unconsciously, to focus on the needs of others while sidelining their own. The idea of reaching out for support can feel foreign, even daunting, but in a relationship, asking for help isn’t just a practical necessity—it’s a powerful act of intimacy that can strengthen your bond.

When relationships hit rough patches, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the challenges. Couples counseling offers a structured process where two people fundamentally change how they relate. In a nutshell, I help couples team up against the neurological responses of the 4 F's: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. These responses, while designed to protect us, can generate fights or disconnections that damage the relationship and prevent effective problem-solving.

Let’s face it: gaming is popular. From Mario Kart to Fortnite to Royal Match, gaming is done in basements, in libraries, and in elevators. For some, it’s a way to unwind, blow off steam, and even socialize with friends. However, like any other activity, gaming can interfere with relationships when it becomes excessive and starts to take priority over daily obligations and emotional connections.

How often have you been stuck in a cycle of asking, "What should my partner do better?" This mindset, while seemingly logical, can sometimes lead you down a path of frustration and conflict. Let me propose a shift in your approach: stop asking what we should do and start asking what is effective in our relationship.

One of the most challenging dynamics I see in couples therapy is the stalemate that occurs when both partners are deeply hurt. Each person waits for the other to apologize first, to make the first concession, or to express remorse. This standoff can leave both parties feeling stuck, frustrated, and disconnected.

In my work as a marriage counselor, I have found that the number one logistical headache for women in heterosexual couples is the responsibility of managing the household logistics. While they may not always be the ones executing every task, such as cleaning the bathroom or calling a plumber, they often bear the mental burden of tracking what needs to be done. This invisible load is a frequent source of frustration and resentment among women who come to see me.

I often get a couple coming in where they complain about the other person and expet me to adjudicate their conflict. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who cares? As Terry Real likes to say, “Would you like to be right, or would you like to be married?” My framework for couples is this: Relationship is two individuals working as a team against the inherent neurological responses that can disrupt a functional marriage. These responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—are deeply embedded in our biology, and they often arise in the face of perceived threats, including emotional conflicts within a relationship.

Conflict is an unavoidable part of any intimate relationship. How couples handle these conflicts, however, can either strengthen their bond or cause significant emotional damage. One crucial aspect of navigating conflicts is understanding and owning the way you fight. This involves recognizing your conflict style and its impact on your partner. In this blog, we will focus on the dynamic between withdrawers and their anxious attachment partners, and how owning your behavior can lead to healthier, more productive conflicts.