As we all know by now, this has been a year of daily statistics. We closely monitor things like positive tests, unemployment rate, presidential poll numbers, and sadly, deaths from COVID-19. There will come a time when we’ll be able to look back to verify and assess such collateral damage. Some figures, however, are more amorphous.
For example, how many relationships came to a premature end thanks to strict mitigation efforts? We may never have an accurate count, but this does not change the reality. Relationships weren’t built for quarantine. With that in mind, what can we do about it?
How Quarantine Impacts Relationships
Routine is not solely the domain of the introvert. Even the most spontaneous, extroverted people follow rhythms and patterns. When that structure is disrupted, we suffer — mentally and physically. The quarantine (and all its moving parts) has pushed us all far out of our comfort zones. For couples, this can be quite a wake-up call.
We’re navigating our way through a tsunami of fears and concerns, such as:
Staying healthy
Economic crisis
Civil unrest
Natural disasters (wildfires, hurricanes, etc.)
Political and social divisions heightened by a presidential election
All the predictable anxiety caused by these factors is being inflamed by having a new lifestyle imposed upon us.
Relationship Suggestions for 2020
It may sound far too “self-helpy” to declare your intention to push through it. In reality, it’s best to accept how daunting things are and take some necessary steps to mitigate the spread. Here are some ideas.
Take Tech Breaks (alone and together)
That device that appears to be surgically connected to your hand can fan the flames of discord. The frightening updates, the scathing flame wars, the fear of missing out — all of it brings nothing of value to your relationship.
Schedule regular tech breaks. When possible, take these breaks at the same time and do something together. From cuddling to cooking to going for a run, it’s all much better than your news feed.
Stay Connected to People You Can’t See In-Person
An essential part of a healthy relationship is independence. So, be sure to keep your autonomous social connections healthy. Use Zoom, text, or social media — or get all twentieth-century and make a phone call.
Team Up to Create New Routines and Structure
The changes to your schedule are beyond your control. However, you and your partner can control what new structure you create. Assume that control and work as a team.
Set and Respect Boundaries
Boundaries are essential at any time. In 2020, they can be a game-changer. Talk face-to-face about your needs and wants. Factor all of this information into the building of your new routines.
Cut Each Other Some Slack
This approach is superbly challenging. None of us naturally have the skills to handle it with grace and gratitude. So, be nice to each other and yourselves. Friction and conflict are not signs that either or you is inept or uncaring. It’s inevitable… all of it. Recognize this. Commit to doing your best. Toss away your grandiose expectations and take things one day (or hour) at a time.
Couples Counseling: Needed Now More Than Ever
Therapy for couples has a long, successful history. Its track record speaks for itself.
Regardless of global conditions, it is and has been a wise suggestion. In the age of coronavirus, couple counseling has taken on even more significance.
All the most common relationship issues are still around. These days, however, they are magnified and exacerbated by 2020’s unique sequence of events. Just because relationships weren’t built for quarantine doesn’t they can’t survive it.
With some help from a seasoned health professional, your relationship can do more than survive. It can thrive. If you want more of my thoughts on couples counseling, please see my marriage counseling blog. If you’re in Minnesota, I’m seeing people over secure video for couples and individual counseling. Call me at 612.230.7171, email me on my contact page, or click on the button below to self-schedule a free 15-minute phone call.
Take good care.