Each person has their own communication style. However, when you are part of a committed couple, you and your partner must work together to develop ways to hear, validate, and understand each other. When your teamwork is lacking, you risk falling into a communication breakdown.
The individual styles will tend to take over when conversations are hard. I’ve written a prior article to help you understand your withdrawing partner and an article to understand your critical or “fighting partner.” These articles may help in empathizing with their situation and help explain the dynamic in your relationship.
In such a state, even the most minor interaction is fraught with negative possibilities. Screaming arguments are obvious signs. That said, a communication breakdown is not always as obvious as you might imagine. Missing the signs can serve to deepen the issues and make recovery more challenging. With that in mind, let’s take a closer look now.
7 Signs Your Relationship is in a Communication Breakdown
1. Disagreements Always Lead to Fights
Disagreement is normal in a relationship. It can often be helpful. Some fighting is inevitable. When every disagreement leads to an argument, it’s time for reflection. This is a clear sign of underlying problems. Again, it’s normal to deal with some conflict. It may be a communication breakdown if this reality is the cause of non-stop strife.
2. Interruptions
Neither of you can get a single sentence out before the other jumps down your throat. Interruptions are rude and disrespectful. They demonstrate a lack of interest in hearing each other. In their own ways, interruptions are their own language. They are used to signal a loss of connection with no desire to fix things.
3. Loss of Casual Intimacy
Loss of communication creates emotional distance. This, in turn, decreases casual intimacy. You make less eye contact. Your body language is aloof or defensive. During meals, you stare at your phone. Those little moments that most couples treasure are now a thing of the past.
4. More Than Words
When communication breakdown strikes, couples find counterproductive ways to get their points across. These include:
Vocal tone
Sarcasm
Eye rolls
Passive aggression
Facial expressions
Body language
Insults and putdowns
Gaslighting
Stonewalling
Silent treatment
5. Becoming Strangers
A couple that is not communicating in a healthy manner is a couple of strangers. Your partner should be your go-to person. When something happens in your life — good, bad, or indifferent — they are the first person you want to tell. Have you noticed a change in this? Are you more likely to make a social media post about such events now? If so, communication breakdown is a real part of your relationship.
6. Not Setting Goals or Making Plans
One of the most meaningful aspects of a relationship is working together as a team. You set goals. Perhaps you’re planning a vacation or a relocation. You might want to start a family or start a business. Maybe the backyard could really use a garden. Together, you come up with these ideas, talk about them, and make them happen. If this joy is suddenly missing from your life, you may be in the midst of a communication crisis.
7. Competition
As I mentioned in a recent post, the goal of a couple’s communication is not about winning. A conversation is not a contest. No one should be keeping score. It’s a bright red flag if you or your partner (or both of you) enter into discussions as if you are an opponent.
Repairing the Breakdown
Fixing a communication breakdown has a built-in obstacle. Problems require communication to resolve. If you and your partner are having trouble in the communication department, you will need outside help. That’s where I come in.
Couples counseling is the ideal venue for repairing communication breakdowns. In the therapy setting, you both will have a chance to identify patterns, underlying issues, and possible solutions. This will be accomplished with the support and guidance of an unbiased professional.
If you want to learn more about how I think of couples counseling, stop by my marriage and couples counseling page. If you are in Minnesota and want to understand how you can let go of an unhealthy relationship, let’s talk soon. I’m in Edina and serve the greater Minneapolis area. You can reach me by phone: 612-230-7171 or email through my contact page. Or you can click on the button below and self-schedule a time to talk by phone or video.