Why did you click on the headline of this post? I can safely assume it has something to do with your desire to improve and enhance your relationship. After all, who doesn’t want to be a better partner? The tricky part is defining what you mean by “better.” Relationships are complex bonds with so many moving parts. How exactly does one get better at this?
Of course, there is no single way to address this goal. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t some universal concepts to consider. So, let’s explore those concepts before we get to the list!
What Makes a Good Partner?
Again, this can be very much in the eye of the beholder. That said, here are a few ingredients to consider:
Positive energy
Self-awareness
Gratitude
Compassion
This is not to say you can never screw up or have a bad day. The goal instead is to find attributes that can guide you when things aren’t going smoothly. The four listed here are a good start. People want to be around others who can find a positive spin. They value humility and they want to feel appreciated.
Perhaps most of all, we all need to know that our own transgressions will be met with empathy and compassion. How then can you embody these ingredients on a daily basis?
4 Ways You Can Be a Better Partner
1. Commit to Healthy Communication
This will be your foundation. Through good times and bad, you and your partner will need to communicate in a healthy manner. Productive communication combines so many positive traits. You learn to listen, validate, trust, retain, and resolve conflict.
Ideally, your communication as a couple happens in real-time and in person. Don’t leave things to chance with texts or social media messages. Prioritize each other by being fully present for the conversations that shape your lives.
2. Accept Change
It’s tempting to reach a happy point where you wish everything could just stay precisely as is. Not only is this impossible, but it also is not as appealing as it seems. Change is what keeps every relationship strong and fresh.
No two people stay exactly the same and, believe me, that’s a good thing. Embracing this reality is one way to help your connection evolve and grow over time.
3. Be Vulnerable
For a relationship to thrive, both partners must be willing to open up. They must be willing to trust. This can be scary stuff, but it’s like glue when it comes to your bond.
Both partners need to see their relationship as a safe space. They need to feel that they can let their guard down and be vulnerable. Such openness invites the spouses to communicate more openly and roll with the inevitable changes.
4. Take Care of Yourself
Self-love is a powerful practice. It can help create the above-mentioned self-awareness. Some portrayals of a happy couple involve what appears to be martyrdom for each other. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
You are two discrete individuals who are also part of a couple. Therefore, it is non-negotiable that you practice self-care. This could mean:
Literal self-care safeguarding your health through daily choices
The setting, enforcing, and respecting of boundaries
Cultivating an independent life with your own interests, beliefs, and social life
Celebrating your strengths while working on what needs improvement
How To Start
Sure, There are these 4 ways you can improve as a partner. But how do you start? Here’s the TLDR: focus. There seems to be so much, it can be hard to start. I tell clients to start the day with intention. Pick one thing you want to get better at today. Then focus on that this morning. Then rinse and repeat.
It Helps to Have an Unbiased Guide
What if you think you’re doing fine but your partner disagrees? Or the reverse? Couples counseling puts you in the position to have your interactions witnessed and analyzed. Your weekly sessions serve as opportunities to better understand each other and thus, yourselves as partners.
If you want to learn more about how I think of couples counseling, stop by my marriage and couples counseling page. If you are in Minnesota and want to understand how you can let go of an unhealthy relationship, let’s talk soon. I’m in Edina and serve the greater Minneapolis area. You can reach me by phone: 612-230-7171 or email through my contact page. Or you can click on the button below and self-schedule a time to talk by phone or video.